It is church day again today. While you munch your Sunday special, let’s take a look at ten types of people found in church on Sunday. Don’t forget to tell us which you are!
1. Spirikoko
These are those that came to worship and aren’t ashamed to display it. They are always the front benchers and the not so young ones. Their voices can easily be singled out during prayers and their hands are always raised a tad higher during worship. Their energy is second to none. If you are scouting for people to act dramatic scenes in a movie, this is where you should look.
2. Slayer
These are those whose dress up game is on point and they know it. Everyone in the church knows it as well. That is perhaps the reason they are there in the first place. It’s inadvisable to sit near these ones lest your outfit will look like a joke.
3. Late-comers
Even if the date Jesus is coming to the church is announced, these ones can never be on time.
4. Grammarians
These ones came to look out for and take note of the errors in the pastor’s sermon. They know when he said ‘went’ instead of ‘go’ and when they pronounced a ‘p’ that should be silent.
5. Snappers
These are those that came to take selfies and snap their outfits. They also came to get picture proof for social media that they were in church. Now if not for them, where else will we find those people that won’t let our timelines rest on Sunday evening with pictures and long sermon captions that are usually unrelated.
The slayers often fall in this group too.
6. Sleeping beauties
‘…he giveth his beloved sleep…‘, ‘Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest‘. Nobody understands these versions of the bible than those in this group. As soon as the sermon begins, off they go to get the rest God promised.
7. Kaffys
You know Kaffy the dancer? These are her village people. They dance vigorously to every sound. They can even dance to the pastor’s ‘Halleluaih somebody’. You don’t want to be behind them if it’s time to march to the altar for the offering.
8. Judginas
These are those that practice law in church with no degree or certificate. They are the ‘That sister’s skirt is too short’, ‘That brother brought his girlfriend to church’, ‘That woman came to church without bible’ group.
9. Newscasters
Their nose for news is on point. You see these ones? The fear of them is the beginning of wisdom. They know everything that went on, is going on and is about to go on. They have all the information of the members and pastors and are always generous to share in exchange for more information. They know the chorister sleeping with the pastor and why that woman and her husband haven’t been coming to church together for three weeks.
10. Russians
These are those who can’t wait to leave. They never wait till the service ends. Most times, they disappear after giving offering.They are always in a rush to go and you wonder, don’t they know in the first place that they are going to church and will spend some time there?
11. First timers
You must know by now that every Sunday there are first timers in the church. Where they always come from, we do not know and most times, we never see them again after their first Sunday. They are necessary ingredients though if not who do we sing ‘You are welcome in the name of the Lord’ and give handshakes to?
(Reportnaija)
