Edidiong Umoh
Marriage means different things to different people. It is an institution God established from the foundation of the world between a man and a woman.
From another perspective, it is a covenant made by two persons of opposite, or same sex (as in some climes), agreeing to live together, for good or for better, as life partners. It is a divine institution in that two individuals of diverse idiosyncrasies and backgrounds sink their diversities for the sake of love, understanding and commitment to a fruitful relationship.
Marriage can also be viewed as a lifetime institution conceived of, comprised of, and created together by two people who wish to derive individual and joint benefits that are only possible from the properly functioning marriage they themselves create.
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As a union between two, there are bound to be problems and difficulties. Yet, understanding of the issues at stake and ensuring they are brought before table for solution is the best.
Though there is no perfect union, there are symptoms that portray to another or bystander that a particular relationship is sick and needs timely elixir.
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Lack of cooperation and togetherness: Once this symptom manifests, it means that the marriage is sick. When there is no cooperation between husband and wife in business transaction, church attendance and social life, then the union is sick.
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When couples engage in accusation and confrontation: This happens when the couple would suspect and accuse a partner of a crime which his or her partner is innocent. When the wife confronts her husband on a matter instead of finding the truth, then the marriage is gliding.
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Fault finding: This occurs when a husband or wife is in the habit of finding fault despite the innocence of his or her partner in any matter. This wrecks marriages and breaks the wings of love.
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Blame shifting: This is a cousin to fault finding. When a partner blames his or her partner on any issue, the marriage is sickening. This is particularly true if the partner is blameless but he is roped in just to cause altercation in the family.
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Reporting your partner to third parties: This is unbecoming of any successful marriage. Once there is rift in the family, it is improper to report your partner to your in-laws or friends or neighbours or boss. This is akin to self-help which is cancerous to marriage.
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Lack of communication: When there is a communication gap or breakdown between the couple, then the marriage is sick. Communication is arbiter that oils every marriage. Without it, marriage is sick.
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Formation of camps in the house: This happens when some children side the father while others stand with the mother. A divided and disorganised family cannot experience peace and unity.
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Separation of room by the couple: This happens when husband and wife sleep indifferent rooms and on different beds. The harmony and love cannot be cemented. Matt. 19: 6 sees marriage as a permanent bond.
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Keeping diary of wrong things and offences: This weakens marriage as love is taking a back stage in the relationship. Husband or wife is not expected to keep diary of evil things or offences committed by one partner against another. The Bible says ”Forgive one another.’’
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In Ephesians 4:32, the Bible says to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. From that scripture on forgiveness, the Bible just uses Christ as a reference in mercy. In marriage, we should aim at being kind-hearted to partners that have wronged us. It is improper to keep malice or allow the sun to meet the anger harboured by a couple against another.
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Sexual famine: This is a major drawback in the family. The Bible says except on fasting or consent of a partner. If a wife starves her husband sex for days, months or years, then infidelity will set in. Apart from love, marriage is a means to sustain the continuity of human race.
1 Corinthians 7: 1-7 says “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.
”Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
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Bad words: Using such words as ”God punish you, son of Lucifer, I made a mistake of marrying you, harlot, illiterate like you, Son of thief, Liar, Yeye man, stupid man, careless being, good for nothing man, you will not prosper in this life, You go die like fowl, impotent like you and bastard,’’ among others, on your partner can sap the life of a cordial and warm relationship. So, refrain from using these words on your partner.
