By Bisi Adewale
Wisdom hath builded her house, she hath hewn out her seven pillars: She hath killed her beasts; she hath mingled her wine; she hath also furnished her table. She hath sent forth her maidens: she crieth upon the highest places of the city, Whoso is simple, let him turn in hither: as for him that wanteth understanding, she saith to him Proverbs 9:1-4 (KJV).
To build a great house you need a strong foundation and pillars; prayer and fasting will never sustain a skyscraper you build without strong pillars. Likewise, marriage needs to be built on very strong pillars to make it stand and weather the storm of life, which may come as wind, flood to test the strength of a home and its stability.
The following resources combine together to make strong pillars for marriage:
1) GODLINESS: Marriage is a godly product. So,it will take a godly attitude to sustain it. Godliness will make you to love God and his son/daughter in your life. Godliness involves living like God, living for God, living in God, living on God, living with God. It involves Christ likeness, obedient to the word of God and humility. Godliness connotes godly attitude like love, tolerance, forgiveness, acceptance, goodness, prayerful and friendliness which actually make marriage work.
2) PRAYER: Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh, receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened Matthew 7:7, 8 (KJV). Don‘t be careless with your marriage, Pray about your spouse’s and your own emotion, actions, reactions, attitudes and characters. Pray against satanic manipulation of your marital choice. Pray against any evil plan against your marriage, spouse and children. Insure your marriage daily with prayers.
3) DIVINE DIRECTION: I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye. Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee Psalms 32:8, 9 (KJV). Marriage is like a road to an unknown city; you will need somebody that knows the way to lead you. Only God knows tomorrow, so allow him to lead you into it without regrets. Your eyes may see a beautiful face, but it takes God to show you a beautiful destiny. Don’t just marry anybody, pray and get direction from God.
4) ADEQUATE PREPARATION: The preparations of the heart in man and the answer of the tongue, is from the Lord Proverbs 16:1 (KJV). Marriage is a long time journey; it needs to be adequately prepared for. Don’t rush into it. Prepare physically, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and vocationally. For more on this, get a copy of my book: Preparing for Marriage.
5) WISDOM: Through wisdom is a house builded; and by understanding it is established: And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. A wise man is strong; yea, a man of knowledge increaseth strength. Proverbs 24:3-5 (KJV). Marriage doesn’t work by age, it works by wisdom. Many people are suffering in their marriage today because they lack the required wisdom for a successful family life. Get wisdom through marriage programmes, books, CD’s, DVD and Marriage School.
6) EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION: Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord Ephesians 5:19 (KJV). For marriage to last, effective communication must be in place. This involves truthfulness, sincerity, openness and clarity. Negative statements like: fool, idiot, stupid, mad should be avoided. Use: I am sorry. I love you, you are beautiful. All these positive words will keep your marriage on track.
7) SERVICE: Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others Philippians 2:4 (KJV). Successful marriage is a product of service from two angles. That is, the husband and wife. Those who go into marriage looking for somebody that will serve them will make a mess of their marriage in no time. Serve your partner; don’t wait to be served. Render a helping hand to your spouse at all times even if he is indifferent.
8) KNOWLEDGE: Knowledge about marriage is a major platform for marital bliss. Your age or how long you have been married does not matter. What matter is the level of knowledge you possess. Get knowledge about wife hood, husband hood, motherhood, fatherhood, parenting, in- law management. Invest in marriage books, CD’s and attend marriage.
9) TOLERANCE: There is no perfect spouse anywhere. If you must stay together forever in
love, tolerance must be a major tool in your marriage. Tolerance is the ability to accept the idiosyncrasies, mistakes and inadequacies of your partner without feeling hurt or angry. Dwell in that marriage with your tolerant garment.
10) FORGIVENESS: In marriage, misunderstanding is unavoidable .That is why forgiveness becomes inevitable if marriage is to last. Create a large room in your heart for forgiveness because your spouse will definitely offend you. Even if you marry an angel, there will definitely be misunderstanding. Make up your mind to forgive each other no matter the gravity of the offense.
12) OPENNESS: To win the trust and love of your spouse, hide nothing and speak no lie. Always confide in one another, don’t tell lies no matter the situation and say it the way it is.
13) SELFLESSNESS: Couples get deeper in love where selflessness is at work. Deal with selfishness in your life before it destroys your marriage. Think less of yourself; think more about the needs of your spouse. Derive joy in satisfying your spouse first; it earns you love in the heart of your spouse.
14) COMMUNICATION: There is no relationship without communication. What makes marriage tick is positive communication like: Thank you, well-done, I value you, you are beautiful and you are handsome, and so on. Avoid marriage destroying statements like: Stupid, I hate you. I regret marrying you is capable of breaking any marriage.
15) RESPECT: There must be mutual respect between both parties. Respect one another in words, actions, attitude and behaviors. It is demeaning to degrade your spouse by failing to show him respect.
16) PROVISION: Where there is no provision, love gets lean, husband loses respect. As a husband, it is your duty to provide for the needs of your family while your wife supports you. There must be financial supply, food, accommodation and so on.
17) VISION: The vision you have for your marriage will determine how far it will go. Have a matrimonial vision of the best couple with great children. Don’t just have a vision to be the best husband/wife, work towards it daily.
18) ROMANCE AND STRONG BEDROOM LIFE: God created sex for married couples to enjoy. A marriage without romance and fulfilling sex is likely going to struggle and malfunction. That is why married couples should not shy away from sex. Husband and wife should discuss about it and find a way of making sex better in their marriage, removing all impediments from their bedroom life.
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