By: Adeosun Abigail
Marriage is a mystery. God is the maker but man is the beneficiary. Man cannot unbundle it, but God ties the mystery cord. Two persons – man and woman- from different academic, cultural and ethnic backgrounds coming to live together is mystifying. And what is seen as divine is a puzzle to many experts.
However, marriage like any other institution run and managed by human beings has success tips. These secrets keep the God-ordained domicile relevant and oily in the midst of bumps and grassland. The undying institution thrives and is sustained by love and trust and other intrinsic values.
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Secret 1
Everyone you marry has a weakness. Only God does not have a weakness. So if you focus on your spouse’s weakness, you cannot get the best out of his strength.
Secret 2
Everyone has a dark history. No one is an angel. When you get married or you want to get married, stop digging into someone’s past. What matters most is the present life of your partner. Old things have passed away. Forgive and forget. Focus on the present and the future.
Secret 3
Every marriage has its own challenges. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Every good marriage has gone through its own test of blazing fire. True love proves in times of challenges. Fight for your marriage. Make up your mind to stay with your spouse in times of need. Remember the vow ‘‘For better, for worse; in sickness and in health be there.’’
Secret 4
Every marriage has different levels of success. Don’t compare your marriage with anyone else. We can never be equal. Some will be far, some behind. To avoid marriage stresses, be patient, hard-working and with time your marriage dreams shall come true.
Secret 5
To get married is declaring war. When you get married, you must declare war against enemies of marriage. Some enemies of marriage are: Ignorance, prayerlessness, Unforgiveness, Third party influence and Stinginess.
Others are Stubbornness, Lack of love, Rudeness, Laziness, Disrespect, and Cheating
Be ready to fight to maintain your marriage zone.
How to apologise in your marriage
By: Success Sam
1. Admit you are wrong
Many grown-ups are not humble enough to admit to their fault. Will you mess up your love because of your pride?
2. Explain why you did what you did
Give the background sequence of events that led to you being on the wrong. A blank apology doesn’t address the issue
3. Hear from your partner how he/she feels
Allow your partner to vent, cry, shout, and tell you how much your actions/words pain him/her. Emotions and hurt should not be hidden if true reconciliation and healing is to occur. This also shows you care for your partner’s feelings
4. Say sorry
Let your partner hear you say those words, ‘I am sorry. Please, forgive me’
5. Pledge not to do it again
Pledge that you won’t repeat the mistake and stand by it. An apology is empty if it is not sincere.
6. Hear from your partner if you are forgiven
Get to hear your partner telling you ‘I forgive you’. It has to be official.
7. Thank your spouse for forgiving your gaffe
Appreciate the goodness of your partner’s heart to forgive you. It takes love to overlook your wrong. Don’t take that for granted.
8. Agree on a plan to keep the wrong from being repeated
This is why it is important to know the history that led you to doing or saying wrong thing. You too get to agree on what to do to prevent it from happening again.
9. Seal it with a kiss
Kiss as soon you are given an official forgiveness. Now that your partner has forgiven you, your lips will be well-received.
10. Make love
Your spouse’s heart feels safe because you care, you feel pardoned. Make passionate love to bring two of you even closer. Go for love-making.
11. Do something sweet
Go out of your way to make your partner smile: leave a love note under the pillow, buy her flowers or a gift, cook his favourite meal, take a photo of the both you happy and frame it, cater to each other.
12. Take your partner out on a date
Go out on a romantic and memorable date. Look into each other’s eyes, melt each other’s hearts, dress up and go out for a night to remember.
13. Affirm to each other’s love
Tell each other how much you love and mean to each other. Leave no doubt about your love, show that you two still have love, you’re still the one that I love.
14. Actually change
The best kind of sorry is when you actually change. Let your partner see a new you.
15. Don’t keep a record of wrongs
Don’t keep reminding each other of your wrongs. Move past mistakes.
HOW TO LOVE A MAN
There are ways to love a man. Loving a man goes beyond giving him s*x. There’s more to it than s*x.
1. Understand: Understand your man will never be perfect. At some point he will be inconsistent. Sometimes he will be impatient. Sometimes it will be hard for him to handle your mood swings. He gets angry too. His mood changes as well.
2. Freedom: Give him the freedom to do the things that he likes. Do not box him. Do not choke him in the neck. The truth is, if he really loves you, he will never do things that will hurt you. He has a life to live so do not take that away from him. You are not his world. You are just a part of it.
3. Reciprocate: Make efforts for him too. Ask him how his day went. Ask him what went wrong. Love him hard as well. Be patient with him too.
4. Respect: You have to respect his choices and decisions. Give him respect that he deserves.
5. Affection: Show him that you care. Wrap him with warm hugs. Show to him that you are always there for him.
6. Attention: Like you, he needs your attention too. He needs reassurance as well that he is the only one for you. Do not give him reasons to doubt you.
There will never be a perfect man. At some point, you will get disappointed and upset because he did not become the man you expect him to be. But because you love him you accept every bits of him. If he is worth the risk, keep him.
Don’t marry an I.D.I.O.T
I am going to break down the acronyms.
Letter I
Do not marry an idle person. Do not marry someone who is Idle. Do not marry someone who is lazy. Whether man or it is a woman, it will rub off on you.
Letter D
Don’t marry a difficult and domineering person. Who is a domineering person?
It is someone who takes over the life of other persons.
The other person’s opinion does not matter in every conversation. Don’t marry a difficult person.
Letter I
Don’t marry an insensitive person.
Don’t marry someone who is insensitive whether man or woman especially a man. My sister, you can be under labour pain an insensitive man will still be shouting give me food.
Letter O
Don’t marry someone who is highly opinionated who does not bow to superior argument, whose opinion must be the one taken or nothing. It is a disaster in marriage
Letter T
Don’t marry a talkative. Proverbs 10:19 ‘‘In a multiple of words there wanteth not sin but that refraineth his lips is wise’’
Don’t marry someone who takes everything that happens in the family to friends at salon or drinking spot. Everything about his/her family is what others must know. It is a recipe for disaster.
