Moses Akpanudo, a professor of Management Studies and founder of Obong University, recently marked the 65th wedding anniversary otherwise known as Blue Sapphire with his heartthrob, Jessie. The nonagenarian shares thoughts on the tips that have sustained their marriage for 65 years with in a one-hour, down-to-earth interview with Straightnews. Read more…
How the couple started and remained in marriage for 65 years
It was rugged at first, but with time it smoothened out. I had a very difficult beginning in that my father-in-law did not want me to marry his first daughter on the grounds that I was a poor village teacher and he was a high-class chief, a businessman and a village head. So to him, it was insulting for a village teacher who had no house of his own, not even a mud building to become his son-in-law. So it was rough. He put me through a lot of stress, but I was determined to succeed and I have.
My wife’s Family
My wife is Jessie Thomas Ekaiko, from Ibio Nung Achat- the first daughter of the family. She was educated and I had the opportunity to teach her in one of the classes. Fortunately, she was a member of the same church- Qua Iboe Church, Ibio Nung Achat, and a member of the choir. So, I met her often as I was the choirmaster. She was a good singer and a humble girl.
My marriage was not love at first sight
There is love at first sight, but I will not depend on it. I like love at second and third sight.
How I overcame challenge by my father-in-law to marry his first daughter
The challenge was that he wanted me to pay a dowry which nobody ever paid in the entire Abak Local Government Area or in Annang land. I have never heard that anybody has paid that. If you want to bring the equivalent, it would have gotten to about N5 million today. Since I did not have that, I organized teachers’ contribution through the President of the teachers’ contribution. So, they gave me money equivalent to N1 million and I deposited with my father-in-law. He was already furious; he took the money and told me to try again. The issue was that many chiefs brought their children to marry his daughter and they wanted those people for social status.
This went on for almost two years when he said bring more money half of what I spent before he then said I will give you some time. I want to confess that we did not have the exchange from what to present to the father or mother. But the criterion was money and family members were so scared that they would not say anything. I said to myself, ‘if my wife becomes pregnant, the church will suspend me and I will lose my job’. So, they were pressuring me for an official marriage. On the 29th of July, 1958, the wedding ceremony was performed at Qua Iboe Church, Ibio Nung Achat at noon, and she became my wife officially. But my father-in-law was not there to hand her over to me.
Without my wife’s uncle, it would have been a failure because nobody would have handed over the girl to the pastor to bless. We continued, my wife gave birth to a child, and like custom demands, her mother requested that she comes home for traditional fattening and I allowed her to go home. When it was time to take her home, I went and told them that I wanted my wife back. My father-in-law told me ‘you don’t have a wife; you didn’t pay anything. Where is the money you paid? I did not even count it. Go home, you are not married. I will take my daughter and my grand-daughter, return your money and go home.’ That was one of the greatest challenges I have ever had in my life. Well, I told him, ‘you are a very lucky man. Take your daughter and your grand-daughter, I am gone. So I left.’
My wife was totally upset and so one day when my father-in-law went to Aba for his business, my wife took the baby and luggage ran home to me. My father-in-law came back from his trip and was very furious with my mother-in-law. He never visited us for years about three or four years. The only time he visited us was when I started moulding blocks for my storey building and I was at my station at Ikot Okoro. Someone told me my father-in-law had visited my compound and instructed the moulders on what to do because he knew that this was not the poor boy he knew.
My wife truly loves me
That is why I said that I don’t believe in love at first sight. My wife loves me that was why I knew that she was going to be my wife. She loves me and I love her. We truly love each other and till today, we still sleep on the same bed.
Our experiences and challenges in marriage
I cannot narrate many of them, but the summary is that when you have challenges ask yourself if Jesus had this woman or wife what will He do? If you dig deep into the scriptures, you will find solution. In some circumstances, I discovered that there is politics in marriage. Our ancestors use to say, if you want your wife to give you bad water, don’t say boil water for my bath, rather tell her, can you boil water so that we can have a bath? That’s political because you have included her.
Like what I said when I was asked to speak on marriage, I said there are two certificates. Certificate number one- you can sign your death warrant because many people die because of bad marriages, while others live long because of a good marriage. The time you start marriage the certificates are there. You now choose what you will. My son-in-law made a remarkable statement that day. He said that he asked me the other day, ‘please tell us why you are so successful in marriage.’
According to him, he said that I said, ‘Mma is always correct; Mma is always right.’ And I told people that if you want to be very happy in life, don’t borrow money from your wife, if you are not ready to refund it immediately. Because when ete has money, ‘it is our money, but when Mma has money, it is her money.’ So, money can create many problems in marriage.
Another thing I like to tell people that I have in life is raising children. People take raising children as a simple thing. It is a very difficult task, but I think God will ask parents how did you take care of the children I gave you? I think that’s a serious question on judgment day. Most children causing problems in the world will not do most of what they are doing if parents had taken care of them.
To be continued
